The Chelsea Supporter’s Guide to Silly Season: Four Tips for Calm Your Ass Down and Don’t Be a Wanker

Transfer rumors have begun. Here’s how to decide if what you’re hearing is bollocks.

simmer-down-beavisI’m a member of multiple CFC communities and already things are getting out of hand. We’re buying Mandzukic. We’re buying Costa. We’re buying Luis. We’re selling Lukaku. Cole, JT and Lamps are gone. Sideshow is off to Barca, while Hazard and everyone else of any value is going to be sold to PSG.

Simmer down, Beavis. Continue reading “The Chelsea Supporter’s Guide to Silly Season: Four Tips for Calm Your Ass Down and Don’t Be a Wanker”

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Conspiracy theory: did Wayne Rooney and David Moyes play Jose Mourinho?

Periodically friends will accuse me of being “pure evil.” I cherish these moments, and am proud of the fact that my mind goes where no demented mind has gone before. But it can be something of a plague, because there’s this part of me that thinks if I’m that sinister, other people must be, too. This quality has not rendered me the most trusting of people, I fear.

Anyhow, if you follow football (not throwball, but football of the global variety, or “soccer,” as you Yanks insist on calling it), you know that one of the protracted dramas of the summer transfer season was Chelsea FC’s pursuit of Manchester United’s star forward, Wayne Rooney (aka “Shrek”). The Blues needed a proven presence up top, and Rooney was disenchanted both with ManUre in general and with incoming manager David Moyes in particular. Shrek played for Moyes back when he was at Everton, and apparently is not fond of the man. Continue reading “Conspiracy theory: did Wayne Rooney and David Moyes play Jose Mourinho?”

Predicting Chelsea’s Starting 11 for Next Season (or, Trying to Read Mourinho’s Inscrutable Mind)

sideshow-Like everyone else with a blue shirt, I’ve been thinking about what Jose Mourinho’s reappointment will mean for Chelsea next season. Players are always coming and going, and this is never more true than when a new manager comes in, especially when that manager has a very different philosophy than his predecessors. History doesn’t suggest that we should expect a fire sale – The Special One has a long track record of building intelligently around inherited talent – but it’s also true that the roster, as currently comprised, is lacking in certain areas that Jose 2.0 is going to want to address. Continue reading “Predicting Chelsea’s Starting 11 for Next Season (or, Trying to Read Mourinho’s Inscrutable Mind)”

65 games done, 4 to go (Season Review Part 1)

Sixty nine games. Since the reformation of the English game in 1992, no other English team has played as many games in a single season as we have this year. That’s what happens when you reach two domestic semi finals and two finals in the same year. Not bad for a transitional or rebuilding year with a manager sacking part way through and the hiring of another manager that almost all of the fans can’t stand.

Let’s look at this season as it comes to a close, and in this part, break it down into three sections: Continue reading “65 games done, 4 to go (Season Review Part 1)”

Scouting Report: Wilfried Bony

Dubbed the “New Didier Drogba,” Wilfried Bony has been a target for Chelsea since the summer window. With rumors intensifying and Bony playing for affiliate Dutch club Vitesse Arnhem, Bony might be one to keep an eye on as Roman sets his sights on the 23-year-old Ivorian striker, who has taken the Eredivisie by storm.

Wilfried Guemiand Bony (Cost: ~£10m, Market Value: £7m)

23 years old; Right-footed Striker

Strengths: Bony is one of the strongest players in the Eredivisie and is well-suited for the physicality of the Premier League. Continue reading “Scouting Report: Wilfried Bony”

Scouting Report: Radamel Falcao

Chelsea have long been linked with Atletico’s star Radamel Falcao. Recent rumors claim that Roman has given the word to go ahead and offer £48m for the striker. These are just rumors right now but Atletico’s financial troubles are well-documented and selling Falcao might be in their future. So here is the long-overdue scouting report on Radamel Falcao. Continue reading “Scouting Report: Radamel Falcao”

Transfer window closing: what about striker?

Just a few days left in the summer transfer window. It looks like Chelsea has locked up Victor Moses and now Cesar Azpilicueta (unless the announced deals hit a snag of some sort). So there’s only one problem remaining to address (other than finding someone to take Malouda off our hands). That problem, though, is a big one: striker. Continue reading “Transfer window closing: what about striker?”

The Transfer Window Closes Soon: What are Chelsea’s Striker Options?

Edinson Cavani - Chelsea Target?With the loan of Lukaku to West Brom and reports heating up over Edinson Cavani, it’s time to look at Chelsea’s current striking options as well as their targets during this summer’s transfer window.

Current Players

Fernando Torres

Strengths: Torres fits into the system RdM is trying to implement. If played correctly, Torres is a world-class striker of unmatched talent. He’s the unquestioned #1 going into the start of the season and he provides tricks, skills and a work rate that are hard to find among other strikers. At his very best Torres is completely unplayable. Continue reading “The Transfer Window Closes Soon: What are Chelsea’s Striker Options?”

More on Chelsea’s Right Back Situation: What About Essien and Ramires?

Earlier today The Application offered up a scouting report and assessment of Chelsea’s right back options now that Marseilles and Cesar Azpilicueta have decided he’s staying put. In a comment thread on the issue over at the Facebook page Julian asked how come I wasn’t piping up about Essien or Ramires.

Good question.

A few years back the Blues found themselves shorthanded at the right back and stuck Essien there as a fill-in until they got healthy. Continue reading “More on Chelsea’s Right Back Situation: What About Essien and Ramires?”